Life’s been so busy that I actually missed posting my 24 week update. Ooops! But here’s my bump at 24 weeks.
My how my tummy’s grown! Here’s my bump 2 weeks later!
The reality of it all is hitting me now. Although I do sometimes wake up and forget that I’m pregnant, do still have dreams that all of this is pretend and that we didn’t get our lucky break, for the most part, I feel present and in the moment and fully embracing of this pregnancy journey.
We’ve had a few wobbly moments. I’ve been very emotional and tired recently so it hasn’t taken much to make me cry and when I say cry…I mean really, REALLY cry. The kind of crying that prompts strangers to hug you in the street and hand you tissues or flowers!
**To the gentleman who handed me this rose on the train station. While I realise that it was just a publicity stunt, you’ve no idea how much I needed a gesture of kindness that morning. I love roses and receiving this one lifted my spirits during a very long, hard commute.
I paid the kindness forward later that day and gifted the rose to a colleague of mine as she was working late on a Friday night while everyone else was slipping into their party shoes. So you made two ladies happy that day. Thank you x **
I had a bit of a meltdown on Friday when I seemed to be showing a lot of signs of going into early labour. My workmates were amazing, one even risked the upholstery in his beloved jaguar to take me to the hospital, another was so supportive that she made me cry even more but they were all fantastic. The hospital were equally wonderful – say what you will about the NHS but they’re there when you need them. After a lot of tests and a day of checks and monitoring, we were sent home with lots of reassurance and the knowledge that baby Palmer is sat with her bottom stuck right in my pelvis!
That day really brought things home. She could well have come right there and then, all the signs were there and are we ready? I don’t mean are we practically ready (although we aren’t far off), I mean are we prepared for the complete change to all three of our lives. For a couple who had all but written off the possibility of a baby, the prospect of one being born feels quite alien, even as we watch her little body grow and wriggle around just under the surface of mine. I realised while sat in the hospital, that I was frightened, not just that she might come early – too early – but that I might not be ready for her when she arrived.
Such is the nature of IVF that I don’t feel like I had time to let go of the grief of infertility before I threw myself into the joy of pregnancy. And now as I approach my third trimester and my hormones are playing havoc with my emotions, I’m having to address the highs and lows that come with such a big transition. Part of me worries that by the time I’ve got my head around things, my pregnancy journey will be over and I’ll have to adjust to being infertile again and all whilst caring for a newborn. I’m worried about what that will be like and whether I’ll be strong enough for the challenge.
In less maudlin news(!), we managed to get onto an NCT antenatal course! We can’t wait to meet some new friends who like us are about to embark on their next adventure. It doesn’t start until December and doesn’t finish until the end of January, so we just have to hope that this little one stays put long enough for us to get our money’s worth! I’m really looking forward to the course and so is Phill – he’s been my rock recently while I become ever more round, unsteady and tearful. I’ve fallen in love with him over and over again these last few weeks and of course, I’ve cried over it haha!
Current cravings: Pineapple and pasta….but not together. Beth made our family dinner for the first time last night. She made pasta bake…..divine.
Missing thing: vintage style clothes. I’m not going to lie, I don’t love leggings and longline tops. I saw a beautiful, red, 50s style wiggle dress in town the other and I could’ve wept (for a change eh?) over how much I wanted it and heels…don’t talk to me about heels 🙁
Surprising thing: Malasma. I developed a light brown patch around my hairline in my first trimester and as my babymoon tan has
quickly faded it’s left behind a much darker, much more extensive patch across my forehead. The most surprising thing about this is that it doesn’t really bother me! If anything I think it looks kinda cool 🙂
Annoying Thing: Cramp. I’m even waking up with cramp in my calves and it’s agony 🙁
Best thing: Just being properly, visibly, undeniably pregnant – I still can’t believe my luck.