This is how I started 2015. I was in bed cuddled up with the dog, nursing a nasty case of the flu.
I’d had such a sh*t year.
It had had it’s merits of course and I tried to convince myself it hadn’t beem too bad but in truth, it had been awful.
January 1st came with news that a young friend had passed away suddenly – 2014 didn’t wait around to start throwing things at us. Later that year I’d had one of my fallopian tubes removed followed by a number of painful complications and was days away from an appointment to discuss the potential removal of the other. I’d grieved for my fertility for the past 6 months. It was like I’d just lost it even though I’d known for years.
Part of me was glad to be alone on New Years Eve, having a good cry with the dog – people were not something I wanted to be around. To be honest I really felt like I was struggling, drowning even in all aspects of my life, I’d retreated….I was miserable.
As I lay there listening to the fireworks from other people’s parties, I wrote 2014 off, decided to take control and I set myself some goals for 2015.
The first was to have a baby – this was ‘impossible’ of course but becoming pregnant had been one of my goals every year since I met my husband, so I decided to leave it in there. The second was to get a promotion at work and the third was to buy our house. While the baby dream seemed impossible, all three seemed pretty unrealistic as I sniffed and shivered my way into January 1st.
Believe me 2015 has been a difficult year and I have worked HARD on my goals for the last 12 months!! But the hardest part was believing that any of them were even achievable.
Belief helped me get up before 6am and commute on crowded, sweaty trains every day, helped me ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ as I signed on the dotted line for our mortage and crucially helped me inject myself daily for the best part of 6 months to make and keep our baby.
Belief isn’t something you can buy or measure but when you find it inside yourself, it’s an incredible thing. It can turn ideas into actions and failure into persistence.
I ended this year in a very different place – happy and well with friends and family that I love. I got that promotion, I’m going to bed tonight in our home that we finally own and in just a few weeks I’ll give birth to our long awaited rainbow baby.
I’m not writing this to brag, though I don’t mind telling you that I’m very proud of what we’ve managed to achieve, the point I’m trying to make is that goals are good, dreams are good and a little belief goes a very long way.
I’m so looking forward to the next 12 months with all of it’s challenges and surprises ?
I want to say thank you for sticking with me through all of the ups and downs – the pin curls and the pregnancy pictures, the swing dances and the sharps boxes, the baking and the blogging droughts!
I wish you all every happiness in 2016 and hope that your dreams come true.