Crying In The Street…Like A Grown Up….NOT!
Today Beth and I went to visit her old school. Because this house move meant moving counties, she has had to leave the primary school that she loves. Interrupting Beth’s schooling wasn’t something that Phill and I took lightly or did without consulting the lady herself. I for one suffered many a sleepless night worrying whether it was the right thing to do.
Beth is talented, conscientious, friendly and intelligent. She has never had a bad school report. I’m not worried that she will suffer academically for the move, but she is, was so, so happy. In Beth’s words, she has had such an amazing time at this school that she can take on anything that a new school might throw at her. But I still feel guilty and today it really hit me how much.
We arranged to visit this afternoon because as the house move came about so quickly, Beth finished her Summer term without knowing whether we’d be moving or not. The teachers were aware but she hadn’t been able to tell her classmates. One or two friends were told during playdates and gossipy phonecalls over the Summer, but some will have just returned to school last week to find my Beth not there.
As we arrived everyone was beaming, so happy to see her and I felt a big round ball of pain settle into the pit of my stomach. We had brought a huge tray of cupcakes as is our standard procedure for any occasion were people might be sad. Nothing is ever as bad with a cupcake in your hand is it? As we approached what would have been her Year 6 class, some of the boys spotted us and shouted “CAKE” whilst everyone else shouted “BETH!!” Standing up mid way through their teacher’s sentence, they strained to see her through the glass door.
I was already welling up, but Beth as always was cool as a cucumber.
Her lovely teacher let her stay with her class for an hour, ’til the end of the day as they were doing ‘Fun maths’ no I don’t see how the two words go together either lol) and I made myself scarce. This was not about me, I’m just the cake baker 🙂
So I left her to it and walked sobbing, to the local bakery for a cup of tea. Our daughter is quite independent and we always ask her opinion on matters that will affect her…it’s been a long time since I made a decision for her like this. A long time since I felt so acutely in control of someone else’s life. It’s one of the things I struggled with most when she was first born, the responsibility for her everything. Not keeping her safe and well, but things that would be pivotal, like where we should live, what nursery she should attend or whether to separate from from her Father.
Thankfully it was raining and I don’t think many people noticed that I, a grown woman was crying in the street.
I know that she will succeed wherever she is and that one day she’ll probably call the experience ‘character building’, but right now I am so sad that she’s saying goodbye.
When I grow up, I want to be just like Beth lol! Anyone who thinks that adults have nothing to learn from children is a fool! She stood tall and calm and comforted upset friends, while I had smudged eyeliner and red, blotchy cheeks, like a slightly embarrassed Goth :-/ and I must always look a mess because I don’t think anyone noticed!!
Then I came home and listened to some Joni Mitchel, which was not a good idea lol!